I am Kuka māte, hear me wheeze
Posted by Oinker at 8/10/2010 10:18 PM 
Categories: Iowaness, IowanessHumor, Musings, humor
Tags: Iowa Latvian DNA pigs mythology Kuka mate Kuka måte
Categories: Iowaness, IowanessHumor, Musings, humor
Tags: Iowa Latvian DNA pigs mythology Kuka mate Kuka måte
(note: photo is NOT of Kuka måte... just some random Latvian)
Yes, brothers and sisters, I am a latent Latvian! After 50 years of thinking I was of 100% German descent, I now know, thanks to my bro getting the DNA test done, that my earlier ancestors on my dad's side were actually more Latvian than anything else! Wow! What a relief! Baltic blood!!
All those years of trying to live up to the German heritage thing and battling my own nazi guilt was not an easy task, I can tell you. I suppose that's what latent lesbians or gay men feel like when they finally are able to embrace their true inner natures. In my case, I am now embracing my inner Latvian with gusto!
(note: I just tried 5 different translation sites that said they do English to Latvian to find the Latvian word for "gusto"... NONE of the sites worked! How Latvian is that??!!)
One of the coolest parts is that our DNA haplotype is NOT considered Caucasian! Woo hoo!!! I'm not as white as I thought!! I'm semi-ethnic!! I couldn't be more thrilled!
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Germans (except for the nazis, of course, but luckily most of them are dead). In fact, some of my favorite people in the world are Germans, and I loved my one trip to Germany a few years ago, so - no, I'm certainly not a latent Kraut-hater, et. al. I'm just excited about being Latvian. Oh, and Czech and Siberian DNA figure in there fairly prominently, too, so my people were all from very cold climates, which explains why my recent ancestors would move from very cold Northern Germany to Northwest Iowa, one of the coldest places on the planet!
After reading some of the Latvian mythology on Wikipedia (ok, the factual accuracy is disputed, but whateva...) one of my favorite discoveries was the description of the holiday, Teņa diena. Now it makes even more sense that the American branch of Dad's family ended up in one of the most pig-friendly places in the world... Northwest Iowa.
To quote the Wiki article: "Teņa diena was a sacred holiday held on February 17. It was held in honor of pigs and was transferred to the feast day of St. Anthony after Christianization. A pig's head was placed atop a stone to protect the people from thunder and lightning. During the day, the townsfolk went to pig pens and sang songs glorifying the fertility of the pig. At lunch, pig's head and feet were eaten, and the remains were buried at the location, where the pigs would be herded the following year. Sewing or other needle-work was strictly prohibited, as was drinking at home. A foggy day was believed to bring floods; a sunny day indicated a good barley crop; a dry day indicated drought, etc."
All I can say is, wow. It doesn't get much more Latvian (ie: weird and "colorful") than that!! They sure did love their swine!
My friend, Claus (a real German-German) says maybe I could be this intriguing and fun-loving Latvian diety, Kuka māte? To quote him exactly, "I seriously think you should ask all your Brothers and Sisters in AshVegas to submit for a DNA test and they will all turn out to be Latvians. And then you could become the deity Kuka māte – the Mother of Kuks (ancient name for wine), who presides over drinking and smoking, or Pirts māte – the Mother of the Bathhouse."
Yeah, he knows me, and Germans do tell it like it is. That's part of what I love about them.
Now that I'm Latvian... and 50, I'm feeling much more confident about telling it like it is... just like a real German. Hmmmm.... I think I'll have another beer.
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