A good wife always knows her place?
Posted by Oinker at 4/2/2009 1:56 PM 
Categories: Humor
Tags: womens duties womens rights 1955 magazine
Categories: Humor
Tags: womens duties womens rights 1955 magazine
I've never been a hard-core feminist, but propaganda from recent history like the following piece make my laugh my ass off... just before my head explodes. Have a look at the following actual article from the May 1955 edition of Housekeeping Monthly (apparently a British publication). All I can say is... wow. Damn good thing I wasn't a wife at that time in history. I now truly understand how "mother's little helpers" became so popular in that era... and wonder why there wasn't more domestic violence against men. Talk about promoting a Stepford Wives society! You know this had to have been written by a man. Read on! (I've inserted some of my own comments in italicized parentheses)
The good wife's guide
- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. (ok, maybe if I feel like it & have time...)
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. (LOL!!! Should I be a diesel dyke or a lipstick lesbian?) His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. (duty? yeah, right...)
- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. (like a good domestic servant...)
- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. (or to cremate him in...) Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. (oh, ok - gosh, that sounds dandy)
- Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. (how? by drugging the little treasures or inserting a ball gag in their little mouths?)
- Be happy to see him. (yes, I'll just push that "instant happy" button - who cares if I'm not really happy...)
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. (oh, gag me...)
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours. (AAAAAGGGHHHH! My head is exploding!!!)
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. (yeah, be glad he's out boffing the local sluts at the titty bar) Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. (oh, poor baby...)
- Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. (ommmmmmmm......)
- Don't greet him with complaints and problems. (what if I have some?)
- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. (oh, really? I'm thinking that his staying out all night is grounds for murder or at least a good bludgeoning)
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. (laced with arsenic for an extra "kick")
- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. (yes, I wouldn't want Mr. Precious to be uncomfortable...)
- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him. (What??!! No right, my ass!!)
- A good wife always knows her place. (yeah - far far away from any asshole that would actually believe this shit!)
This is helpful, but I have a long way to go. I`m trying to master the German model so I`ve been asking every hausfrau that I meet for tips. I`m not sure how much more gay I can be but the fact that my hair ribbon clashes with my lederhosen is not very gay at all. I`ll keep trying.
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